we all know that lizard people cannot tell lies and that's how you know that we aren't lizard people. the whole account below is a lie, 100% untrue, with no factual basis in any reality. i'm writing it because jeremy hughes asked if i was a lizard person and I ran away without responding.
there have been many theories on how lizard people started populating the earth with their long-tongued kind. as it turns out, they have been attempting this for centuries with different installments of their lizard folk to try to turn the tides of mammalian hegemony. they usually have some way of shooting, blasting, or throwing their leathery eggs into our atmosphere for them to land, grow, and dominate.
in the 16th century they blasted down lizard folk from cast-iron cannons aboard their super sophisticated space ships. in the 17th century they made a single, massive blow gun that required 20 lizards blowing to shoot the eggs down to earth. in the 18th century they overdosed on beano, lodged the eggs like a rock in a tailpipe, and blasted them across our globe. this method left them fairly chapped, raw, and exhausted so they did not did so well through the 19th century as they recovered.
in the 21st century they began a few new techniques using lizard folks already in place. some lizard people are blessed with great strength and can use that to their advantage for entertaining, warfare, and other great feats. one particular lizard family did a great deal to bring their eggs to earth. (you may be wondering why lizard folks are always trying to blast their eggs down from space instead of just birthing them on earth and it turns out that because of a bunch of science they can't.)
the lizard mcguire are a noble family among lizard folk. their mighty offspring have influenced the earth in many ways such as creating the mtv awards, becoming the inventors of the swizzle sticks, the purveyors of zubaz, and other great and prominent historical moments in world history. the lizard mcguire mark was responsible for batting in most of the lizard eggs during the early 2000s allowing for a resurgence in lizard kind in north america. this lizard hero still has many followers among lizard kind so if you hear someone bringing up mark mcguire a little too often you might finally have a reason as to why.
that's about all I know for now. and as you can tell I am not a lizard person. it's absolute fact now. absolute. now jeramie parenteau is definitely a lizard person. make sure to let him know that you know.
the lizards mcguire | double india pale ale w/ mandarina & warrior hops | 9% abv