"just horseplay!"

story: mattwallace
art: jeremy hughes

while josh tries to slot the keycard into the lock, matt startle-jumps him into the door -- HIS PERFECT HANDS ARE CRUSHED! MANGLED!

BEYOND-BELIEF!

SCREAMING,  his eyes wild and hoggish, then SNORTing,  his jaws locked and boarish, josh torques his body to face matt. his legs were still facing the door! and josh one-hand grabs matt under his armpit and pitched him into the room over his body. 

pink balloon lettering formed the onomatopoeia "AIEIEEEEEEE!!" in the air following matt's thrown body.

<the audience applauses -- cheering, laughing> 

fat globs of sweat streak from josh's pores as he stomps into the hotel room that has become filled with a red, pounding mist. it oozed from the doorway and into the hall over my shoes.

matt's body contorts between the bed and the floor with a leg akimbo in the air and both arms pretzel-twisted somewhere near his torso.

the mist laps a gentle shore over matt's body; josh is PLEASED and I saw him rub his mangled hands together like a chunky preying mantis. 

<the audience hoots & catcalls>

using his red-headed stephen king powers, josh picks matt up using only his mind and the muscles in his arms and legs and back. "it's a choke slam! it's gonna i'm choke slammin' you NOW! NOW!?" and grasping matt's throat and underjaw he lifts him,  with some effort, and GRAVITY -SLAMS him forcibly onto the bed. 

<the audience sounds shocked! appalled!>

panting, with one eye larger than the other, josh towers over matt and rains down a steady beating of passive-aggressive "sorrys" and "i'msosorries!" with each blast blood spurts, matt's face is pulped burger -- I saw 30 gallons of blood ejaculated out of his mouth! it broke the hotel window!

<the audience awes> 

I thundered by josh and yell "what's the meaning of this!?this!?thisthisthisthis" and I can visibly see the words echo into their ears. 

shrugging matt and josh looked at me and responded, "it's just horseplay!" 

<the audience laughs and is pleased> 

...just "beyond belief," is what I thought. 

 

"just horseplay" | bourbon barrel-aged russian imperial stout | 10% abv

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